Over at Single Dad Laughing he's gotten onto a serious note of late. Currently he's working on getting responses for the Cure for Perfection. He's asking for 3 things listed in the comments: 1) the hardest thing you've gone through, and why it was hard. 2) A message to yourself then from where you are now. 3) What his article on Perfection meant to you.
I am not going to approach the first two because this isn't a personal blog (in terms of personal experiences applied to daily life, anyway). But I do have something to say about the third. Because it's the reason I am 32 years old and still not out of university.
I have a fear of failure. Of course, most people who are hyper critical of themselves do. What they don't often also have is a fear of success.
I know I can do anything I set my mind to (okay, maybe not grow that goatee I've always wanted, but you understand what I mean). I know that I have the intelligence and determination to accomplish any goal I set myself. I also have a very bad case of low self-esteem. Let's not get into why...the jury's still out. But the result of this problem is that as soon as I get close to succeeding, or farther ahead on the way to the goal than my perceived peers, I chicken out. I make excuses, throw tantrums, whatever is necessary to make sure I don't actually win what I want.
Because people might not like me then. And I'm already pretty sure I'm already unlikeable. I could be perfect if I wanted to be but then all those people out there that aren't perfect would think I'm an insufferable prat. So I never let myself find out if I really could be as great as I think is possible. Because I'm much happier having people forgive all my faults because I'm at least amusingly incompetent.
Ooh, a narcissist that dislikes themselves. Jungians, Freudians...GO!
And that's what perfection means to me. Something that I intentionally don't court, so all the fantastic, wonderful people in my life keep me as a mascot.
