Sed... Amor Omnis Est! (Pars Duo Duorum)

BUT…Love is Everything! (Part Two of Two)

“Monogamy is my favourite hardwood.” - Reive Doig

How many partners we should have is not the end of the argument, though. No matter if you practice monogamy (how can you get good at it if you don’t practice?), polyamory or something in between, you still need to find and keep each partner. And that’s the interesting bit: whether you say goodbye when things get hard or work through it, whether you jump right in because you just know, whether you're waiting or searching or discovering...it's all about Destiny and Growth (click for the quiz!)

There's some attempt to keep the argumentation here logical, but talking about romance and reproductive strategy means I'm gonna have to use the word "I".

There are two tracks of thinking about your romantic life, your belief in "the one" and your belief in "working for it". And these beliefs sometimes don't line up the way you'd expect. They're not two end points on a continuum, they're two distinct lines that intersect. Because immediate compatibility and inclination towards effort aren't mutually exclusive.

I, personally, think "soulmate" is a ridiculous, useless word...and that's after almost five years with a person that said "...I can tell things are going to be different with you" the first time we slept together. Slowly I, too, could see a difference; I don't believe in destiny but I certainly think there aren't a lot of personalities that I can put up with long enough to have a real relationship.

Eventually I was told, "I don't fall often, but when I do I fall fast and I fall hard." I also felt by then that we were a compatible pair; I had the traits he needed, he had the traits I needed. We could be great, like Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet...other pairs that had killed themselves. Though I had no interest in following the vision of the great artists quite that far. I began to think I didn't have to work quite so hard in this relationship.

...And then he fell fast and he fell hard for someone else.

The reasoning is clear. Believing in compatibility as a reason for love means believing that there are a lot of people that are perfect for you. And that means you'll meet more than one at a time.
But, while it was not what I was ready for (because the falling entails wooing, and I am a spoiled brat that was no longer being wooed), and I stopped getting that "perfect for me" vibe for a while...we both were, and always will be, ready to work to fix and keep what we have.

So, all those pontificators saying "polys are so much more realistic about needs" without realising you're sometimes also saying "I need this person because we click"...shut up.
All of you monogamists, however, that think "they're the one" until they stop "working for you" and you divorce, you can shut up too.

Be ready to love, if you can be ready to love anyone that suits you...and if you can't give your love away to everyone who wants it, don't keep it hidden from the one who needs it.